As I have mentioned before, I have a morning paper route. I start around 2 a.m. on most days which means I am the only one on the road for the most part. This gives police officers clear reason to track me down. Here are some of my stories:
I'm not even sure how it happened, but I got a flat tire. It was a while ago, but if I recall, it was a nail or a screw in the tire. So I begin to change my tire to the little donut the manufacturers give you. I hate the jack that came with my car. It's a pain to lift up the car. Not only this, but it is POURING rain. I honestly haven't seen rain like this in a while. So I get the car up and start taking off the lugnuts. I'm about done and the car falls off the jack. I give up trying to hurry to stay dry at this point. I make sure the jack is secure and I get the tire off and I put the spare on. As I'm putting the spare on, I notice that I only have four of five lugnuts. I am positive I kicked a lugnut into the gutter that could be considered a river and I know it's long gone. So I get in the car and put it in drive. I look in the rearview mirror and see two cars coming. I wait for them to pass, but they pull in right behind me. I think, "What nice citizens coming to help out. Could have used them a bit ago, but I appreciate them stopping." But no; someone called the cops on me because I looked "suspicious." I what?! The cops actually had a good laugh about the whole situation and asked if I had any warrants to which I replied that I had 14, with a smile. I hoped they caught the sarcasm, which they did, and they let me go.
I am the assistant district manager and so I "get" to train all the new people. I have tried to argue that it demoralizes me and the new employees to show them how to throw a paper and training isn't needed, but the district manager insists they need it. Not only do they need this training, but they need a four-day training. sigh...
Anyway, on the third day of training this new kid (17 years old who thinks he's Eminem), I decide that it's time that he drives the route so he can get used to driving it. We get in his car and there are actual bullet holes in the windshield. Also, while getting in I notice that he doesn't have a back window. I should have recognized the signs, but I dismissed them because I wanted to save some gas. We didn't even start the route before we got pulled over. He is panicking and I am trying to calm him down letting him know that he hasn't done anything wrong. He says, "But I only have my learner's permit." Uh...you what?! "Oh, and this isn't my car." I think I blacked out at this point. I had visions of calling my dad to see if he could pull some weight. I don't know why, but the officer let us go.
Third times not a charm:
My third time wasn't too bad actually. It was quite funny. I didn't even have a chance to see who the officer was this time. I turned onto a street (this is the day after the last encounter) and noticed a cop in a parking lot just waiting. I passed him and he turned on his headlights and started to follow me. I threw a paper into the driveway and his police lights turn on and he flips into the driveway where I had just thrown a newspaper. He then notices what I was throwing out the window (versus the stash of cocaine that he thought I was throwing) and you could just see the utter disappointment on his face. The police lights turn off and he flips a U-turn and goes the other way. I had a long laugh at that one.
My fourth and hopefully last:
This was just the other morning, which after telling Joy about this one, she said I should write all these down to see if I could pull off meeting all of the Pleasant Grove officers. This one was a Utah County Sherriff though, so the possibilities are endless! I turned onto State Street in Pleasant Grove and I saw him flip a U behind me. I thought there was no way that he was coming for me because I hadn't done a thing wrong. I turned onto a side street and then another side street. I got out of the car to throw a paper on a porch and this is when the Sherriff turn on his police lights and pulled up behind me. Granted, I do have a headlight out which I do need to fix so I don't attract so much attention, but this wasn't the reason he pulled me over. As I stand there by my car and wait for him to get out of his car, I am wondering what I can do to make it look like I don't want any trouble. Especially after the scare in Lehi. He gets out of the car and says,
"You know you have a headlight out, right?"
"Yeah, I know. There's a short in the wiring and I can't seem to figure out how to fix it."
"OK, well the reason I pulled you over is because I saw you were driving down the middle of the road on 790 South."
"Really? Where is 790 South?"
"It's the street you were on before turning onto State Street."
"Huh, I don't recognize that street."
"Oh! I know where that is. I was actually coming out of a parking lot just 10 feet from State Street, so I kinda had to drive down the middle of the road for a little bit because I was turning left onto 790 South heading toward State Street."
"Oh...I see. Well, you really need to be more careful."
"Oh....OK. You got it."
Now to get a picture of how ridiculous this was, here is the map of the street where he said I was driving down the middle of the road. Point A is where I pulled out of a parking lot:
Also, there is no line on this road, so from where he was when he saw me, there is no way he could have seen what the middle of the road was. I blame this one on true boredom. In talking with my dad, this is the case for those that work on graves.
I completely forgot about this one. This one was ALL my fault. There is a light that doesn't like to work at 2 in the morning. I literally sit at the light for five minutes and it doesn't change for me. One morning I was really tired of waiting and decided to look left, then look right and proceed through the light because there weren't any cars around. At 2 in the morning, my mind doesn't work all too well. Looking left and right was a good idea, but when running a red light, I recommend LOOKING BEHIND YOU AS WELL! Sure enough, there was an officer right behind me. Imagine my embarrasment when the lights came on 2 seconds after I ran the light. I could not belive that 1: I was caught and 2: I was so moronic that I didn't look behind me. He came to the window and talked with me about it. He asked what he should do and I laughed and said, "I think it's pretty obvious that you should give me a ticket. I had no intention of waiting." He laughed and agreed that the light didn't change as often as it should and let me go. I could not believe it. Believe you me, I don't run that light anymore.